Saturday, October 29, 2005
FAITH
It's sometimes amazing how one week can be so comparatively different from another.
Last week I was still in a deep funk about the band having just evaporated and what the hell direction to go musically.
A deposit check to start a new, big, job was 2 weeks late, I wasnt getting my calls answered, and I didnt know if I should give up on even getting the job, if I should go start another smaller one, or God no please, if I should go and go find a "real job".
My dog smelled.
My shop was cold.
My head hurt.
Faith is a huge well to draw upon. I generally consider myself blessed and I truly give thanks for that blessing. Sometimes though, in the midst of things seemingly careening out of control, I tend to forget to REMEMBER that God's great universe is indeed smiling upon me. It's during these times in fact, that the benevolence of those blessings inexplicably begin to head south. When I'm fortunate to have enough self-awareness, I can soon tell that I am in the midst of these times because fear begins to overtake my mind and heart. Doubt and trepidation stand squarely before me, literally impeding any forward movement.
What I try very hard to do in moments like these is attempt to align myself with all of the universe, to feel myself as one, connected inextricably with every particle of energy within the vastness of being. The coordination/immersion of myself with that force enables me to FEEL and KNOW that I am, at this single moment, very much a part of the larger Power and subsequently that I'm one with that realm, the realm of faith - the Power of Life, the Power that controls birth/nature/creativity/love. By doing so, my faith becomes regenerated.
Conversely, the separation from that Knowing of faith, from that Confidence of love, tends to breed a sense of alone-ness and hence, fear.
Love (faith) or fear. It's my choice to determine - If I can just remember to remind my self to go there. And hey, it works for me.
This week, The drummer and I found, not only a new bass player much superior to our prior guy, but almost miraculously, a keyboard player too. Still a lot of work to do w/the band but a great start.
After having received a small initial deposit on the big job, I'm on my way to pick up the large deposit.
I actually received a phone call Thursday from a restaurant I used to play at regularly with whom I had become estranged to play last night.
My beautiful wife washed the dog.
I installed the heat in my shop.
My head is hummin.
