Monday, December 06, 2004
POSTPONE LOVE??
(My stepdaughter Raina, had an item a couple of days ago entitled "What People Do" on her blog which I started commenting on but I discovered I had too much to say (as pre usual) for just a comment, and yanked it here to RANTS FROM OBLIVION. Click the link to the right and it'll take you to Raina's site which is chock fulla goodies.)
POSTPONING LOVE??
I disagree with the concept that there is an advantage to avoiding involvements in relationships until the right person comes along. Au Contraire....
1. you find out what you want/need/demand by knowing what you wont tolerate - how can you possibly KNOW that the person you've just qualified as your One And Only has the attributes that you despise. People allow such a small particle of who they are to be seen in the opening moments/days/weeks of first seeing someone. Eventually it all comes out in the wash (on both sides) and then guess what? You'll have to do like everyone else - get the helloutovit and find someone closer to what you want.
So many relationships are founded with the psychological need to create balance, and suitors are based on the psycho-premise that if you are with someone dis-similar from you, you tend to extract from them the ingredients which will bring you closer to center/balance (either by relying on their attributes to carry you or to teach you). Having several relationships, (sounds calculating, but we're all victims here) hones the process of devining centeredness. But in denying this process and by refusing to jump in the fray, you are only delaying its eventuality. Unless of course, you are SO balanced and are SO fortunate that you literally find somebody who is also SO balanced - I believe then that Jesus Christ would have a brother. How many people can we definitively say we know who qualify at 23 years of age??
2. you stunt your own growth as an effective human lover.
Musically speaking, you learn more in the process of dealing with the adrenaline of live performance than you ever can or will from just playing with yourself in the bedroom.
Real live interaction is the only serious testing ground. To assume intellectually that you're capable of handling the pressure of love/music while comfortably nestled at home in your brain doesnt even approximate the lessons potentially garnered from falling on your face, or at least from ever dealing with the demons that encourage you to run from the prospect of "face-dancing". That's where and when real growth begins. Trying and failing. Avoiding "trial and error" keeps you safe, but safe isnt nearly as exciting or fun as the rewards gained by risking pain and development.
Plus sexually speaking for men - Ladies, how many guys come out of the gate as mature, sharing, caring, giving, capable lovers? No, now please control the laughter, please, hold the guffaws - and,and, someone, get that poor woman a wastebasket, please!!!
And thats just the tip of the iceberg - the leap from capable lover to effective lover is even more years of hard work ;)
3.emotional and sexual loss
Unfortunately, the longer you wait the longer you delay the possibility of meeting that special someone you will have the affinity for. Only after the initial sniff test/toothpast-lid test,etc can you really know if you've found or lost somebody who might have passed the muster. You certainly wont know until you take the plunge.
You aint in the game on the sidelines.
POSTPONING LOVE??
I disagree with the concept that there is an advantage to avoiding involvements in relationships until the right person comes along. Au Contraire....
1. you find out what you want/need/demand by knowing what you wont tolerate - how can you possibly KNOW that the person you've just qualified as your One And Only has the attributes that you despise. People allow such a small particle of who they are to be seen in the opening moments/days/weeks of first seeing someone. Eventually it all comes out in the wash (on both sides) and then guess what? You'll have to do like everyone else - get the helloutovit and find someone closer to what you want.
So many relationships are founded with the psychological need to create balance, and suitors are based on the psycho-premise that if you are with someone dis-similar from you, you tend to extract from them the ingredients which will bring you closer to center/balance (either by relying on their attributes to carry you or to teach you). Having several relationships, (sounds calculating, but we're all victims here) hones the process of devining centeredness. But in denying this process and by refusing to jump in the fray, you are only delaying its eventuality. Unless of course, you are SO balanced and are SO fortunate that you literally find somebody who is also SO balanced - I believe then that Jesus Christ would have a brother. How many people can we definitively say we know who qualify at 23 years of age??
2. you stunt your own growth as an effective human lover.
Musically speaking, you learn more in the process of dealing with the adrenaline of live performance than you ever can or will from just playing with yourself in the bedroom.
Real live interaction is the only serious testing ground. To assume intellectually that you're capable of handling the pressure of love/music while comfortably nestled at home in your brain doesnt even approximate the lessons potentially garnered from falling on your face, or at least from ever dealing with the demons that encourage you to run from the prospect of "face-dancing". That's where and when real growth begins. Trying and failing. Avoiding "trial and error" keeps you safe, but safe isnt nearly as exciting or fun as the rewards gained by risking pain and development.
Plus sexually speaking for men - Ladies, how many guys come out of the gate as mature, sharing, caring, giving, capable lovers? No, now please control the laughter, please, hold the guffaws - and,and, someone, get that poor woman a wastebasket, please!!!
And thats just the tip of the iceberg - the leap from capable lover to effective lover is even more years of hard work ;)
3.emotional and sexual loss
Unfortunately, the longer you wait the longer you delay the possibility of meeting that special someone you will have the affinity for. Only after the initial sniff test/toothpast-lid test,etc can you really know if you've found or lost somebody who might have passed the muster. You certainly wont know until you take the plunge.
You aint in the game on the sidelines.
