RANTS FROM OBLIVION

Believe me, this is a comprehensive subject. I'll try to get as much out as I can.

I would say the primary thought most women have as they start seeing a guy is: what's the chance of a relationship, and what's it require to lure the sucker into it?
I have to say that more than anything, Patience and Tenacity are the cornerstones, followed by attractiveness, INDEPENDENCE, humor, affection, and killer sex. (I also believe that most of these are equally required on the male side of the equation)

The important thing to see first is that the one thing guys have no real desire for IS a relationship. They'd hang out with you forever, drink beer, talk a little, drink coffee, have sex, drink more beer, talk a little more, have more sex and be quite happy about the state of affairs as they are. There's no imperative to require a guy to need a relationship. Children are not a ticking timebomb, so why would they need the correlative relationship/marriage?
So the point is this: how do you get a guy to WANT to be in a relationship with you?

The answer is interesting. What you have to do is to establish a situation where you create more value in yourself than he can exist without. I'll give a couple of outrageous but very true examples I've garnered from friends. Both of these guys were in bands, were above average in looks and had a great deal of women at their disposal so they weren't loser types. Guy 1 began to date this girl and found they had a lot they had in common and enjoyed about each other and blah blah blah, but he wasn't very serious about a relationship. One day after she explained to him that she was still dating, he found out she was in fact, banging 3 or 4 other very eligible successful men at the same time(this was in the 80's pre-AIDS). This was such an incredibly poignant, excruciatingly tantalizing expression of her attractiveness to him that he could not rest until he won her.
She had created a value to him that he couldn't live without. This is an example of a VERY independent woman who had independence and killer sex all neatly wrapped up in one. Independence is a quality men very much admire. Now imagine this woman sitting at home waiting for guy 1 to call back, pining away...sounding needy, and pathetic. She would have had ZERO value. WHY WOULD A GUY CONTINUE CHASING SOMETHING HE KNOWS HE ALREADY HAS??Instead she grabbed the bull by the horns and tho this behavior would probably scare most guys away fast, her independence to my friend was intoxicating.

Guy 2, after being in a "R" for 6 or 7 years was given the ultimatum by his beautiful girlfriend. After he pooh poohed her and blew her off, she returned the favor with 3 or 4 guys in quick succession and let him find out. There was a flurry of trips to Ireland and Blarney Stones and Hidden Rings and Diamonds Gleaming before you could blurt out "seriously bruised ego". Again, not my cup of tea, but goddamned effective!!
Again, no moping little lass wiping her tears. Independence is CRITICAL.
(I just want to say I recommend behavior on a less dramatic scale - most guys wouldn't be able to handle it. But again, whatever works)

Now this guy was not a wuss - he had spent enough time in the relationship to have had enough sense to move on and in fact was being an ass. This leads to the next concept: Men's perception of themselves.

Men have one mandatory obligation in the world of dating - AVOID BEING A WUSS. This more than anything requires a man to hold back on what he wants to express, what he feels, and what he would really like to do. By failing in just one regard, all can be lost! You girls are tough. By appearing too eager, too loving, too couple oriented, a guy will get tossed right off the side of the earth. So men have invented a scheme which causes them to take VERY careful, laborious steps in approaching commitment. Case in point: a young man I know of just asked a lovely young lady to go to his company Christmas party THE DAY BEFORE THE FREAKIN PARTY! It was the fear of appearing too much like a wussy that kept his hand from the phone last week when it would have been appropriate (in women's standards. From a man's point of view: hey at least he called). He probably doesn't even know it was fear - dumb ass kid! LOL But this is where the notion of patience comes in. If you are going to demand that a man be a man, you have to have the patience to allow him to take the time it requires to not appear over eager. YOU CANNOT HAVE YOUR CAKE AND, ETC, ETC....
Very important point above! Its a catch 22. If you hurry him, he becomes a wuss, if you don't he becomes a bastard. BALANCE! Just have fun. Let the relationship grow on its own at first. PATIENCE

By the way - if a guy has just come out of a relationship and states that he needs time to sort out his life BELIEVE HIM!!!! Unless you want him to make the same mistakes he made in the last "R" again, but with you, let him go. A sensible guy will try to sort out his bad shit so it wont happen again.

Now, tenacity. If you've found someone who gets you hot and he's not a "serious player" (a complete waste of time) and you feel he has true, redeeming social value, then the value I have seen over and over which finally corners guys is tenacity.
I had been divorced for 17 years and had been with uncountable amounts of women but was finally felled by the tenacity of my wife. And OH MY GOD, did I take my time!! I was not going to be put in a position of appearing needy, etc. In fact, as our relationship continued, I determined to myself at certain times that I had allowed sufficient torment and abuse to have occurred to now not appear like a puss and consequently could allow myself to propose. After more years (1.5) of anguish and suffering marriage was the only decent thing this man could do. But patience, affection, tenacity, and humor built the foundation.

About humor: guys want somebody independent enough to not just laugh at his jokes but be bold enough to be funny too. And that's a big step.To be comfortable with yourself is truly an irresistible ingredient to men. Nothing relaxes someone like someone who's relaxed in their own skin.

Anyway, enough for now... Good luck, and good lovin!

Had a new piece all written and accidentally deleted it - how, I dont know. All I know is that there's an interesting bit twas writ 'bout the joy of Xmas shopping. If you run across it upon the net please send it back home to daddy. In the mean time I have a new one brewing -
"What Men Want In Women"
due soon at a blog near me, real near. Later,
D

A few years back I was hangin out at the local tavern sippin suds and checkin out chicks when some sweet thang approached, enticing me into conversation, inebriation, and fornication. HAH! Do I look easy??? NO, I HELD MY GROUND. I insisted we skip the suds and the blah blah and go right to the backseat of my car. Well, I found out she was seriously upset because her boyfriend of 5 or 6 years had just dumped her. I figured, "oh good, easy pickins", but the more I talked to her, the more I realized she was a genuinely good person. So I determined I'd really screw with her head and go home. She wanted a kiss goodnight but I just pinched her butt instead and said "give me a call".

The next date was a revelation. It started out with a modest, all organic dinner she'd prepared. Now generally, when you leave a girl hanging without a kiss they either hate you or love you. She loved me; and greeted me at the door with a box of unpackaged (used) batteries. See, she knew I was in a band and was in constant need of replenishing batteries used in guitar effects pedals. What a nice, though interesting, gesture I thought.

After finishing dinner she gave me a tour of her pleasant home which included passing several pictures on a desk of women in the most bizarre and contorted positions I had ever had the opportunity to view. They were photos of 4 or 5 girls who had managed to turn themselves backwards and inverted in such a way as to be appearing to be "making a meal of themselves" if you get my meaning. "OK,I've really got a kinky one here" I mentioned to myself. And in questioning her about them I came to find out that this gentle soul, this frank, unabashedly honest woman, was in fact a compulsive masturbator attempting to achieve the suppleness and flexibility necessary to imitate the photos.

I discovered then how my cache of introductory loot (the batteries) had accumulated. She owned a device which contained a small, soft plastic covered, metal clamping mechanism which she would fasten directly to her "self", yes, her clit. A jumper wire was attached to the clamp on one end and an electrical source (battery) on the other end with a switch. When she flikked the switch life was hummin! The problem she had was that the batteries only provided the proper voltage to make her "happy" for a very short time. This is where fortune smiled on me. The remaining charge on the battery was not quite enough to move my friend past the edge of ecstasy more than once (with abandon), or maybe twice (with patience). But the remainder was more than enough to keep a rock'n'roller jammin' for a whole week. Consequently, the last few months of failed pleasure on her part now provided me with hours and hours of musical, though tainted, moments of joy, especially on reflection.

My point here though, is Christmas. Unfortunately Santa Clause had not yet invented nickel cadmium batteries or had failed miserably in marketing them. My friend had paid the price for being an uneducated consumer (and I had profitted). None the less, the message here is that in order to get the best "bang" outta your buck, before buying batteries for your toy, look into asking Santa for the rechargeable type - you'll save a bundle and they'll always be "hot".

Epilogue: The movie was great, but the more I saw her, the more my battery supply dwindled. She finally moved to Erie and I discovered AC adapters - something I do NOT recommend pluggin your self into (or into your self).

IF YOU'RE SKITTISH, EXCITABLE, OR SQUEAMISH, HERE'S YOUR LAST CHANCE TO HIT THE ALT/LEFT ARROW BUTTONS to escape...OK, BYE.......
Ok, back to the matter at hand: PENIS SIZE
How does one determine the gradation of size in the first place? When does the average penis become "small"; when does average become "normal"; what circumstances occur to define a member introduced as "above average" or "large"?

As a young man, I was made aware of gradations by the following example of the noun hip. An average hip was a hip. A small hip was a hippie. A large hip was a hippo. You get the picture. So obviously a small penis is a "dickie" Everyone knows a "dick" is a dick. But what is an above average dick? A "dicko"? No, I believe the purveyors of turpitude had to invent a whole new "concept" word: "cock". It has a much more threatening overtone, consonantly speaking, when compared with the much more delicate "weenie". The question is then begged: at what point does a lowly dick reach the pinnacle of manhood? Excellent question.

How much emotion/fervor/stimulation is required to remake average into above par?
How much propping of male ego is required to extend the limits of imagination to
more creatively define average just a LITTLE beyond the line and into the "concept" arena?
How excited/engorged must a man become before being allowed membership into the much vaunted haute monde club?
How much does it cost to stay for a week??? Month? etc..Are there group rates?
And the most important question: WHO determines average? Compared to what?
How many averages has the determined determiner sampled?
How many larges has the determiner sampled? Notice there's no question regarding
how many smalls has the determiner sampled. Can bribery affect the truth?
How does one know? One man's prize is another man's torment. Is size in the
"eye"(?)of the beholder. Does emotion wreak havoc on objective description?
How can a dickie trick a chickie into thinking its really a 'cock'? Drugs?? E??
How is this all resolved? Weight lifting??Excessive work habits??Alcohol??God??

I saw an interesting show on sexuality and the opening scene was of a woman with an ample bosom exhibiting a good bit of cleavage. The interesting part was that it was in fact not a bosom but a derriere! Fooled everyone. But the point the producer was making was that prior to the time women became 'upright' the prominent feature of allure was the behind. And only after this stand up development did natural selection create the concept of mammaries as a fixation of attraction. Fortunately natural selection had enough sense to keep exquisite derrieres available for a goodly portion of the population whose development has remained "behind".

Here's the rub: I have noticed for years that large breasted women are generally underendowed in the "ass" department. Conversely, women who are less endowed in the "boob" department make up for it with bounteous "cheek-cleavage". The cruel thing it seems, is that for men, there apparently is no counter-balance. Its not as if a small penis has had natural selection opt for square jaw compensation; or a weak chin automatically points to a large penis. (otherwise you might see a lot of gorgeous women on the arms of the weaker chinned) Although, baldness HAS recently been shown to be the direct effect of excessive testosterone. Check that out - get back to us.

Again God has managed to insert a cruel twist of fate with women. Not only is there NOT a definitive method of determining categorically what possible gift a potential suitor has stashed in his basket, women (not all) are further constrained by the necessity of loving said suitor BEFORE they even allow themselves to sample the goods.
With self-deception and polite duplicity as handmaidens, war cannot be far behind.

(My stepdaughter Raina, had an item a couple of days ago entitled "What People Do" on her blog which I started commenting on but I discovered I had too much to say (as pre usual) for just a comment, and yanked it here to RANTS FROM OBLIVION. Click the link to the right and it'll take you to Raina's site which is chock fulla goodies.)

POSTPONING LOVE??

I disagree with the concept that there is an advantage to avoiding involvements in relationships until the right person comes along. Au Contraire....

1. you find out what you want/need/demand by knowing what you wont tolerate - how can you possibly KNOW that the person you've just qualified as your One And Only has the attributes that you despise. People allow such a small particle of who they are to be seen in the opening moments/days/weeks of first seeing someone. Eventually it all comes out in the wash (on both sides) and then guess what? You'll have to do like everyone else - get the helloutovit and find someone closer to what you want.

So many relationships are founded with the psychological need to create balance, and suitors are based on the psycho-premise that if you are with someone dis-similar from you, you tend to extract from them the ingredients which will bring you closer to center/balance (either by relying on their attributes to carry you or to teach you). Having several relationships, (sounds calculating, but we're all victims here) hones the process of devining centeredness. But in denying this process and by refusing to jump in the fray, you are only delaying its eventuality. Unless of course, you are SO balanced and are SO fortunate that you literally find somebody who is also SO balanced - I believe then that Jesus Christ would have a brother. How many people can we definitively say we know who qualify at 23 years of age??

2. you stunt your own growth as an effective human lover.
Musically speaking, you learn more in the process of dealing with the adrenaline of live performance than you ever can or will from just playing with yourself in the bedroom.
Real live interaction is the only serious testing ground. To assume intellectually that you're capable of handling the pressure of love/music while comfortably nestled at home in your brain doesnt even approximate the lessons potentially garnered from falling on your face, or at least from ever dealing with the demons that encourage you to run from the prospect of "face-dancing". That's where and when real growth begins. Trying and failing. Avoiding "trial and error" keeps you safe, but safe isnt nearly as exciting or fun as the rewards gained by risking pain and development.
Plus sexually speaking for men - Ladies, how many guys come out of the gate as mature, sharing, caring, giving, capable lovers? No, now please control the laughter, please, hold the guffaws - and,and, someone, get that poor woman a wastebasket, please!!!
And thats just the tip of the iceberg - the leap from capable lover to effective lover is even more years of hard work ;)

3.emotional and sexual loss
Unfortunately, the longer you wait the longer you delay the possibility of meeting that special someone you will have the affinity for. Only after the initial sniff test/toothpast-lid test,etc can you really know if you've found or lost somebody who might have passed the muster. You certainly wont know until you take the plunge.
You aint in the game on the sidelines.

A body at rest stays at rest; a body in motion stays in motion. Geez, lets look at that. Physics is pretty obvious. How likely is it that a lump of clay will jump the hell up on its own and cast itself thru the universe at 200 miles/second?? Conversely, how likely is it that a lump of clay hurtling thru the ionisphere at 200 miles/second will just come to a complete halt of its own volition.
Resistance to change is a viable psychological concept in much the same way as is Newtons law. Ya gotta getchya ass off the couch in order to get the booty shakin. Or ya gotta just drop yer ass on the couch if yer booty's shakin too fast. See? Physics is simple...
Laugh, Love, Have se..."oh my God, was he gonna say it???", you gasp.
Thank God I'm married! The thought of being in a situation where sex is not at least an option is oppressive. I feel badly for all the women alone in the cold, lonely, dark night. (The hell with the guys - its their own fault. LOL)
time for bed - we'll finish this in the A.M.
g'nite
GOOD MORNING WORLD! (its 2 in the afternoon - busy night last night)
OK, back to the subject at hand....
I've found that just the prospect of having a gig scheduled or a potential job in sight is enough to provide the slimmest of hope enabling me to hang my confidence on that thinnest of thread. And just a little confidence is all you need to TAKE ON THE WORLD (or escape the insane asylum for another week)
Why all this need for confidence? Certainly not to gape into the mirror scowling provocatively, growling "I dont need those bastards - let 'em all go to hell". No its
to just be able to look at yourself and still be able to laugh, albeit at yourself.
But that's where inertia comes in. Just that little thread gives you the smallest bit of spin to keep the wheels, though tiny and labored at times, moving. Moving enough to give you at least the opportunity soon for 200 miles/second momentum; or passionate love; or just great sex; or passionate love AND great sex (or at least the relaxed option to choose as you quietly lay next to someone you're comfortable being with).

Is it right for a mother to let her underage son drink beer at home and then pack him up with a couple of beers and let him drive back to school?
My answer is no, that it's not right, nor smart. The more important point is lurking beneath the surface. The danger here is justification. The child now, and as incorrectly as the thinking goes, believes that his behavior is alright - it was approved by a parent. Unfortunately, if the child had been stopped by a cop, no rationalization explaining that the mother had permitted the behavior would have offered enough proof to the cop to have him see the transgression as right, (and to keep him from possibly having lost his license). In fact, the mother would have more likely been in trouble too.
Having been a 19 year old male I know that if you get away with "a relative wrong", it automatically lowers the bar of "relative right" to that level. Does the boy now assume that "hey, I didn't get caught, nothing wrong happened, therefore its ok"?
You bet your butt he does. I know I would have at that age. And that's where the insidious part comes in. If you can find justification to allow a "relative wrong behavior" to occur, then the line between right and wrong has become blurred/obscured. If drinking and driving is ok with a beer or 2, then what's wrong with 2 or 3, and then 3 or 4, 5 or 6, etc. Especially if you don't get caught!!! "Lets go pick up a coupla cases!!"
That's where the simple becomes complex, and believe me, I have seen it happen many, many times. Rationalizations at that age are based on what you can get away with and not on mature, balanced consideration. It is critical to have young people understand that under-age drinking and driving and especially driving with alcohol in your possession is TROUBLE. And the irresponsible thinking on the mother's part doesn't and shouldn't in any way condone behavior which could land the boy in trouble - both now, and even more later.

I went to the local grocery to pick up a few things. There were Christmas caroles in the background, elves working in the aisles, garlands, wreaths, colored balls - you get the picture. So I'm at the register. One of the courtesies I like to perform (and I'm not lauding my munificence) is to leave the pennies from my change in order to save someone else a little aggravation.
Essentially, this is generally viewed as a grassroots fund for the the grassroots and I dont believe that it's typically accumulated in the coffers of Corporate America and thrown into the profit/loss statement at the end of each quarter.
Well, guess again!
Now I dont as a rule use the pennies which are sitting idly on the edge of registers throughout America. Seems I'm generally not even close to exact change in my pocket (I hate change in my pockets) in order to take advantage of the pennies.
Not today.
Today I'm 2 cents shy in the exact change department and am going to have to break a 20 dollar bill in order to extract the 2 pennies to cover the bill. I ask the charming Nazi guarding the cash register if she's got any pennies, eyeing them next to her elbow as I ask.
"No", she coldly replies, eyes fully upon me. Undaunted, I reach over 18 inches to the register directly next to me which is conveniently sporting 5 or 6 shiny coppers and grab the requisite 2 cents.
"You cant take them - they belong to her register" Fraulein spits out and although I continue to hand her my now ill-gotten lucre, I am handed back Nineteen Dollars and Ninety Eight Cents to go along with my 2 New Shiny Pennies. Add it up. Yup, 20 bucks...in change. The money comes with a reiteration of her proclamation even as I incredulously disagree.

Joy is so easy to dispense, especially at this time of year.

Some people just dont get it...or give it.

Time not only heals, it does profoundly wondrous things: It secretly improves quality.
Unbeknownst to the recipient, changes take place in such small increments that they in fact don't seem to appear. Someone once described it as if you're on a plane (not airplane) whose incline is minimal. Only in retrospect can you see the level you've achieved.
I found movies of the band I had taken last March and really early April - what a scream - no bass on half of them - I guess it was just after we lost (and you say there aint a God!?) Jersey Mike the bass player and before we got Mike M., our current main man. Then there's Bobbi singin away. (a sad fatality, in a figurative sense)
15 songs were recorded: pretty tame compared to the seething, ripping, growling, pack of dogs we've become! LOL
When you think of the amount of blood sweat and tears patience, commitment, understanding, negotiating, arguing, compromising, as well as love and devotion to the music its taken to get from that simple band to what we are evolving into, I'm afraid that if I had known the real investment it was gonna take, I mighta been freaked out and clamped on some intravenous pizza or TV just to escape.
I guess that explains the gentle incline - too steep and you'd bail much too easily.

Lost In Translation
Great little love story. Chemistry works despite age. The eventual, sad part is that physically its difficult to perform -- to meet the needs of the "young thang" - no not sexually, you perv! Children. Most "mature" men aren't into it; its hard enough to get them to even commit to the concept when they are blessed with the ignorance and vitality of youth. And after a point of course, women just cant. Notwithstanding the physiological shortcomings of age, Bill Murray's character and the PYT chose to maintain the high ground by not devolving into the lurid, lustful, lascivious behavior so many lesser souls slip so easily within. Attempting to resolve family dysfunction by mixing a can of condensed insensitivity with a cup of chilled callousness, together with a few tablespoons of crushed honesty and a pinch of righteous blame is a sure recipe for an enduringly bitter few years of recriminations and loneliness. And/or a tasty one night stand. Balance, balance, balance. What're you gonna chose???
Fortunately this story moves in the more uplifting direction and we're able to inspect the precious development of a romance in its earliest, kindest stages. Will they have sex??? Or can they stay true, in the midst of the emotionally charged friendship they're creating, to the principals of integrity so often disdained by society? How much longer can they deny the reality of the growing joy they feel for each other as the days go by? The beautiful connection they feel for each other is based on the sense of their spirits being timeless and ageless, meeting in an oasis where age is rendered invisible, and the inter"play" is as with children who don't know "should or shouldn't", "can or can't." But as the story unwinds, the time to go approaches and as responsibilities command responses, the ageless children choose to hide and protect their love which only eviscerates the pain and fear. But given one final chance to express the depth of their tender love for each other, they embrace on the street and kiss sweetly, passionately, sadly, happily, and honestly. Love is short but oh, so sweet.
Oh the pain of the impossible!
So near, you feel her warmth upon you, her face so close that you see the softness in her eyes, and then passionately, her lips are on yours in the most delicate and delicious moment for which you could wish - your heart beats wildly as the moment's cadence continues the mesmerizing tumult and you KNOW at last that these dominating, unrelenting, feelings, premonitions, possibilities, are indeed all true - and here, right here within your gentle embrace.
But the cold damp breeze brings back the painful reality - that this is both the best and worst of moments; joy and sadness commingled within truth and untruth - impossibility at the same moment as triumph. And love is sad, oh, so sad.